Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
