sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
