I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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