No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
