It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
