Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
