There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
