Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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