Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
don't judge my taste in strippers
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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