so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
