Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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