I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
