Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
