i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
