Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
