I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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