I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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