In the future we'll all be gay
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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