this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
