I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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