You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
