Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
