I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
