Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
