there's paper in my vomit.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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