We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
