Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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