i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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