i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
