I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
