just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
