come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
