i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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