This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
third nipple confirmed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
