Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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