Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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