The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
