How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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