Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
