I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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