Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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