see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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