My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
