I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm at about main and main street
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
