Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
