remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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