im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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