we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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