Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
