I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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