Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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